All I had to do was open my heart. Every time I try this I wobble, loose my balance and most times just fall over and laugh that this pose seems to throw me off. Today though, I figured it out. All I had to do was open my heart. When you are ready, you are ready and TODAY I was ready. As I lifted my right fingers tips to the sky, breathed deeply with one foot planted on the ground, strength through my left leg, I turned my chest to the sky and opened my heart!
What a day, my favorite moment of the day was just that little moment. When you connect your mind with your body it is deeper than just a twist to the left or right and turning your head towards the ceiling. I connected with myself. My mind wasn’t on yesterday or tomorrow but it was right there in the room on my mat that I connected with a higher power that lifted me up and helped me move past my fears, not my fears of falling over but the fear to open my heart!
Posted in Fear, Life, Living in the present, Love, Reflections, Self-Discovery, Spirituality, Yoga
Tagged Fear, Gratitude, Living in the present, Love, Reflections, Self-Discovery, Yoga
I’m going through a Yoga form of lent. Give up the things that you desire. Isn’t this the act we do before Easter? Give something up that we enjoy? I hardly ever do lent, but I dig this exercise. Give up something that you desire that way when you miss it, you can meditate on it and give thanks that you are becoming free of attachment to your desires and try to understand why you were attached in the first place.
Giving up alcohol for the next 30 days is among many of the things I’ve given up for the next 30 days as part of my new lifestyle experience. Don’t worry…it makes sense to me.
Anyway I had a few friends over for dinner last Friday and they were game for the Vegan Lasagna but I really felt I had to explain myself on the whole no drinking thing. The conversation went something like this.
Kendra: Let me pour you a glass of wine
Friends: Thanks, this is divine, aren’t you going to have a glass?
Kendra: Oh yes, don’t worry I WILL be having a glass I’m just starting off slow, I like drinking mineral water out of a martini glass, it taste better that way.
Friends: Oh OK
In the beginning, I really felt the need to want to include myself in the wine drinking but as the night progressed my Mineral Water Martini planted itself as a REAL adult beverage and I never felt the need to switch over to wine. Whew…I made it though my first trial. I realized I do have attachments to drinking, its a social thing, a way to be included and part of the party. But in reality its not really the alcohol, just a pretty glass.
What won’t kill you will only make you stronger. The above image is from a weekend I spent with my sorority sisters that changed my life. We called it “Warrior Weekend”. I suspect my long weekend beginning tomorrow will be another Warrior Weekend… a life changing experience, after all it is called Life Training. Most people think a Yoga Retreat sounds relaxing, indeed it is going to be a way to balance ourselves out but I’m not sure about relaxing. The website asks, “Are you seeking information and knowledge? To understand yourself better and the world around you? Tools to make change in your life? To teach Yoga and build a business around the Yoga philosophy? Begin your journey to clarity”. I’m nervous, excited, curious, motivated, and anxious all at the same time. I guess its because I’m ready. Ready to make a change, to work on whatever it is that is holding me back from completely fulfilling what I know I can accomplish. No communication with the outside world until Mid-Monday. Can’t wait to share all about it.
Getting suited up to jump 14,000 feet out of a plane
I had my interview for Live Training a couple of months ago. I think they conduct interviews to just make sure you are not suicidal or going to be a liability to the group. Either way, it felt good that I was accepted! One of the things that Steve (One of the owners of Yoga Shelter) and I talked about was conquering your fears. He said we would be focusing on the topic of fear quite a bit during our retreat. Hmm..Fear? “Fear is something I really don’t know anything about” I told him. Nothing really scares me, heights…no, spiders..no, love…no, being alone in life….nope not that either! So emotionally and mentally I feel pretty darn strong. Then a couple of nights ago, I woke up from a light sleep. I’m not sure if I was just dreaming but it just popped into my head. My FEAR! How could this be? I told myself to just go back to bed and not think about it again and it will just go away. I guess we all fear something, but I felt my fears were nothing major. I shouldn’t need to go on a retreat to address it.
So here it was, my subconscious had awakened me. It was like a confession to myself in my head, “I fear that I will miss out on something really important in life”. What does that mean? As I tossed and turned for the rest of the night, was I thinking about kids? What if I decided not to have any kids, will I look back one day and have regrets? What if I don’t see enough of the world that I once wanted to in life, will I regret it? Will I regret if I never open my own business one day, or write a book…dreams I’ve had since I was young? My heart began to race as I was thinking about these things. My chest gets tight now as the anxiety sets in while I write this down. I feel like I’m up against the clock and its almost April 2010….2010, do you hear me???? How is it that 1/4 of the year has already passed? Time feels like it’s escaping me. Do you remember the show Out of this World, I use to want to have her super powers, where you could just put your fingers together and stop time. That way I would never miss anything. The funny thing is I love to sleep, you would think if I didn’t want to miss anything I wouldn’t sleep as much. Oh well dreaming is sweet too 🙂
As I continue my journey, I am really looking forward to learn how to live in the present and not focus on the future so much and what I may be missing out on. We all need to appreciate the moment while it is happening and the people who we are spending it with, I think this will bring more peace.
Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace. ~Author Unknown
It is exactly one month until my Life Training with the Yoga Shelter. At first I did not know what to think, I mean..Life Training? Who needs training for life right? I’m centered, balanced and happy and a optimist most of the time but after my 2 week transformation training back in November I found out I didn’t know me as well as I thought I did.
For most of you who probably know me, you are thinking that I am a self realized person so I guess that says that many of us need Life Training. During my Transformation training, it was just one week after my boyfriend and I broke up after our loving 2 year relationship. I had signed up prior to knowing that anything was even wrong in my relationship so needless to say, a lot of shit came to the surface. Not only did I cry, in the dark while we sang “Om Shanti” I also spoke up and shared what I had discovered deep within me. The sadness that I was burying to keep my relationship alive, my dreams that I had forgotten about, changing the world, being somebody one day, and making a difference. I unleashed my fears and discovered the invincible summer that lived inside me, it always has there and it had been hidden in the clouds and again it is ready to shine!
My Life Training is one month away and I want to share my journey until i get there and the transformation I will take afterwards.