I had my interview for Live Training a couple of months ago. I think they conduct interviews to just make sure you are not suicidal or going to be a liability to the group. Either way, it felt good that I was accepted! One of the things that Steve (One of the owners of Yoga Shelter) and I talked about was conquering your fears. He said we would be focusing on the topic of fear quite a bit during our retreat. Hmm..Fear? “Fear is something I really don’t know anything about” I told him. Nothing really scares me, heights…no, spiders..no, love…no, being alone in life….nope not that either! So emotionally and mentally I feel pretty darn strong. Then a couple of nights ago, I woke up from a light sleep. I’m not sure if I was just dreaming but it just popped into my head. My FEAR! How could this be? I told myself to just go back to bed and not think about it again and it will just go away. I guess we all fear something, but I felt my fears were nothing major. I shouldn’t need to go on a retreat to address it.
So here it was, my subconscious had awakened me. It was like a confession to myself in my head, “I fear that I will miss out on something really important in life”. What does that mean? As I tossed and turned for the rest of the night, was I thinking about kids? What if I decided not to have any kids, will I look back one day and have regrets? What if I don’t see enough of the world that I once wanted to in life, will I regret it? Will I regret if I never open my own business one day, or write a book…dreams I’ve had since I was young? My heart began to race as I was thinking about these things. My chest gets tight now as the anxiety sets in while I write this down. I feel like I’m up against the clock and its almost April 2010….2010, do you hear me???? How is it that 1/4 of the year has already passed? Time feels like it’s escaping me. Do you remember the show Out of this World, I use to want to have her super powers, where you could just put your fingers together and stop time. That way I would never miss anything. The funny thing is I love to sleep, you would think if I didn’t want to miss anything I wouldn’t sleep as much. Oh well dreaming is sweet too 🙂
As I continue my journey, I am really looking forward to learn how to live in the present and not focus on the future so much and what I may be missing out on. We all need to appreciate the moment while it is happening and the people who we are spending it with, I think this will bring more peace.
Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace. ~Author Unknown