Fear Nothing

Getting suited up to jump 14,000 feet out of a plane

I had my interview for Live Training a couple of months ago.  I think they conduct interviews to just make sure you are not suicidal or going to be a liability to the group.  Either way, it felt good that I was accepted!  One of the things that Steve (One of the owners of Yoga Shelter) and I talked about was conquering your fears.  He said we would be focusing on the topic of fear quite a bit during our retreat.  Hmm..Fear?  “Fear is something I really don’t know anything about” I told him.  Nothing really scares me, heights…no, spiders..no, love…no, being alone in life….nope not that either!  So emotionally and mentally I feel pretty darn strong.  Then a couple of nights ago, I woke up from a light sleep.  I’m not sure if I was just dreaming but it just popped into my head.  My FEAR!  How could this be?  I told myself to just go back to bed and not think about it again and it will just go away.  I guess we all fear something, but I felt my fears were nothing major.  I shouldn’t need to go on a retreat to address it.

So here it was, my subconscious had awakened me.  It was like a confession to myself in my head, “I fear that I will miss out on something really important in life”.  What does that mean?  As I tossed and turned for the rest of the night, was I thinking about kids?  What if I decided not to have any kids, will I look back one day and have regrets?  What if I don’t see enough of the world that I once wanted to in life, will I regret it?  Will I regret if I never open my own business one day, or write a book…dreams I’ve had since I was young?    My heart began to race as I was thinking about these things. My chest gets tight now as the anxiety sets in while I write this down.  I feel like I’m up against the clock and its almost April 2010….2010, do you hear me????  How is it that 1/4 of the year has already passed?  Time feels like it’s escaping me.  Do you remember the show Out of this World, I use to want to have her super powers, where you could just put your fingers together and stop time.  That way I would never miss anything.  The funny thing is I love to sleep, you would think if I didn’t want to miss anything I wouldn’t sleep as much.  Oh well dreaming is sweet too 🙂

As I continue my journey, I am really looking forward to learn how to live in the present and not focus on the future so much and what I may be missing out on.  We all need to appreciate the moment while it is happening and the people who we are spending it with, I think this will bring more peace.

Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace.  ~Author Unknown

Paz

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s