Being the good catholic girl that I am (kidding) I went to church today. I do enjoy going, seeing if the message will reach me, praying and my favorite part is shaking hands with everyone and saying “peace be with you”. I just think there is something special about having contact with a complete stranger, smiling at them and saying peace. Today I got chills when I walked in and heard the choir’s angelic voices. It felt good, but then I got bored. It was hard to focus. My mind kept going to what I had to pick up at the grocery store in the afternoon and what I was going to do the rest of the day etc. I kept on telling my self to “focus on the present”, “hear the message and reflect on what the priest is saying”. Sometimes it comes natural and it feels like the message was meant for me and I love those times. When I don’t really get much out of the message I think maybe somebody else in church needs to hear it more than I do. I know..I know.. I really shouldn’t expect to receive but to give…like in prayers. But it always feels good when I sense a strong spiritual connection to God while in Church.
Many times I say Yoga is my religion. And I say this because Yoga is very spiritual for me. I am always in the present, my mind is always in the room and focused on what I’m doing. Mainly because if I don’t I would likely tip over onto someone else’s mat. Either way the instructors also have a message they share with us and they give us time to reflect and look within. Sometimes I even feel like God is standing next to me, letting me know that I will always have someone to depend on, someone that will always be there for me no matter how tough life gets and what challenges are put in front of me. If I try a headstand and fall, he’s not going to let me die but maybe just get hurt a little bit. I cherish those moments too.
I think life is more meaningful with a sense of spirituality. Wherever you can feel closest to your higher being, it doesn’t have to be part of an organized religion or in a church. It can be in a yoga class or on a soccer field. For me…I’m just glad to have found it.
Dios te bendiga y Namaste
Getting suited up to jump 14,000 feet out of a plane
I had my interview for Live Training a couple of months ago. I think they conduct interviews to just make sure you are not suicidal or going to be a liability to the group. Either way, it felt good that I was accepted! One of the things that Steve (One of the owners of Yoga Shelter) and I talked about was conquering your fears. He said we would be focusing on the topic of fear quite a bit during our retreat. Hmm..Fear? “Fear is something I really don’t know anything about” I told him. Nothing really scares me, heights…no, spiders..no, love…no, being alone in life….nope not that either! So emotionally and mentally I feel pretty darn strong. Then a couple of nights ago, I woke up from a light sleep. I’m not sure if I was just dreaming but it just popped into my head. My FEAR! How could this be? I told myself to just go back to bed and not think about it again and it will just go away. I guess we all fear something, but I felt my fears were nothing major. I shouldn’t need to go on a retreat to address it.
So here it was, my subconscious had awakened me. It was like a confession to myself in my head, “I fear that I will miss out on something really important in life”. What does that mean? As I tossed and turned for the rest of the night, was I thinking about kids? What if I decided not to have any kids, will I look back one day and have regrets? What if I don’t see enough of the world that I once wanted to in life, will I regret it? Will I regret if I never open my own business one day, or write a book…dreams I’ve had since I was young? My heart began to race as I was thinking about these things. My chest gets tight now as the anxiety sets in while I write this down. I feel like I’m up against the clock and its almost April 2010….2010, do you hear me???? How is it that 1/4 of the year has already passed? Time feels like it’s escaping me. Do you remember the show Out of this World, I use to want to have her super powers, where you could just put your fingers together and stop time. That way I would never miss anything. The funny thing is I love to sleep, you would think if I didn’t want to miss anything I wouldn’t sleep as much. Oh well dreaming is sweet too 🙂
As I continue my journey, I am really looking forward to learn how to live in the present and not focus on the future so much and what I may be missing out on. We all need to appreciate the moment while it is happening and the people who we are spending it with, I think this will bring more peace.
Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace. ~Author Unknown
It is exactly one month until my Life Training with the Yoga Shelter. At first I did not know what to think, I mean..Life Training? Who needs training for life right? I’m centered, balanced and happy and a optimist most of the time but after my 2 week transformation training back in November I found out I didn’t know me as well as I thought I did.
For most of you who probably know me, you are thinking that I am a self realized person so I guess that says that many of us need Life Training. During my Transformation training, it was just one week after my boyfriend and I broke up after our loving 2 year relationship. I had signed up prior to knowing that anything was even wrong in my relationship so needless to say, a lot of shit came to the surface. Not only did I cry, in the dark while we sang “Om Shanti” I also spoke up and shared what I had discovered deep within me. The sadness that I was burying to keep my relationship alive, my dreams that I had forgotten about, changing the world, being somebody one day, and making a difference. I unleashed my fears and discovered the invincible summer that lived inside me, it always has there and it had been hidden in the clouds and again it is ready to shine!
My Life Training is one month away and I want to share my journey until i get there and the transformation I will take afterwards.